Friday, June 13, 2008
Back for the Attack...H8ing in 08
I've had enough of this fucking junkie! Seeing her face everywhere is starting to make me want to shit myself. Please! Please overdose and fade into obscurity. Take your asshole husband with a hyphenated last name like a bitch with you! Seriously, I don't want to ever see your stupid face again. I don't want to hear you sing racist songs. I don't want you to go fucking rehab, no, no no. I want you to fucking disappear.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Jesus Camp
I want to throw up. I just watched a documentary called Jesus Camp, which chronicles the Evangelical church’s practices of sending their children to summer bible camps. This should be a case study in brainwashing. They believe they speak in tongues. They scream, cry and chant. They believe in prophecy and that God has spoken to them. They use militant language calling those who don’t believe as fervently in Christ as they do, enemies. They speak of dying for God’s army and being martyrs. They even change the pledge of allegiance adding and removing words so it bears little resemblance to the original. This strikes me as treasonous.These children are being taught to tolerate only one thing, intolerance of everything that is opposed to their radical form of Christianity. The look in the eyes of these children is surprisingly familiar. You’ve seen it before on CNN only they’ve been radical Islamic terrorists. It’s the same formula. The woman who runs the camp comes out and admits she wants to see our children as charged up about Christ as our enemies are about Islam.
Europe banished religious zealots over 350 years ago and they settled in these lands. They did the right thing. It doesn’t look like we’ll have the same opportunity. They said they left because they were religiously persecuted. No! It was they who were persecuting everyone else with their insistence on speaking for everyone on the piety of how to live without choice and acceptance of the possibility that man should believe what he wants.
A string of 'Theys'
They reject global warming. They reject evolution. They reject the separation of church and state. They reject that planet earth is older than 8,000 years old. They seek to overthrow our intentionally formed secular government and replace it with a fascist religious one. They are simply, enemies of the state and must be stopped. They should be treated as traitors to the republic. If they are not, and their way of thinking prevails, America as we know and love, will no longer exist. They are no better than the terrorist scum we seek to destroy. They claim to speak for the almighty. They don’t.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
That Dead Bitch In My House, Not Mine
Oh yeah! Crazy Bastard Phil Spector is up for his trial finally. Dead broad in his foyer with a gunshot wound is what he's up for. Phil no stranger to wielding a gun or odd behavior and has decided that this look in court is his ticket to an insane plea. Elton John is calling this shitbird a freak! Think he is going to get off? Wouldn't surprise me, since he is following in the foot steps of other west coast murderers O.J. and Robert Blake. After all it's L.A., if you want to kill someone go there, they have a hard time with police work and lawyering.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Why I MasterH8. The Year In Review.
There is quite possibly, nothing more annoying than a woman who finds herself hysterically funny when the diametric is true. Nothing describes Cameron Diaz more than this. With that duck face of hers, she can hardly get through a sentence without belly laughing at herself, finding her life, situation or comment deliciously hilarious while the rest of us throw up in our mouths. While her boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, does have a sense of humor (see various SNL sketches), I question his intelligence being with this mind numbing broad. Not only should she not be famous, but she should be some club whore a few rungs down from Paris Hilton. Be gone foul skank!
Plastic Packaging and the New Twister Secure Device
Holy nut bust! Shoplifting must be a serious problem. The plastic shit comes in is like titanium! Cut it with scissors if you can, but then it will slice the hell out of your hands. Note to manufacturers, your shit is not that precious! It’s not even that fuckin’ good! So stop trying to protect it like Tribbles will spawn if it hits the air. Another absolutely fucking irritating method of securing product to its packaging is the super twisty tie application. Not terrible, but they put forty of them on items and don’t just give it a few twists. No, they do a maximum machine twist so hard you don’t even know which way to untwist it. Rot in hell fuckfaces!
Muslims
Seriously, go fuck yourselves. When you’re ready to join the rest of the fucking planet and stop acting like it’s the year 1100 give us a yell. This is culture cemented in the past, not the future. Get over this hatred of Israel. Jesus, do we have to drop nuclear weapons on Mecca and Jerusalem just so we can end all the fuss? Palestinian homeland, enough already. Holy Land, Schmolly Land. It’s shitty real estate. Perhaps we could interest you in some nice Mediterranean islands off the Greek coast. Shut the fuck up Greece! You’re gonna take one for the team here.
New Orleans
Stop crying for this place. It was a shitty, smelly, disgusting gross city. You can get drunk anywhere, you don’t need Bourbon Street. I really believe in a God, now. He must have a sent a big fuck you hurricane to clean the place up.
Anti Gay Marriage Stance
No, marriage doesn’t need protection from gays getting hitched. Let homosexuals get married, they deserve to be as miserable as the rest of us! There are much bigger problems in this country to fix. Who someone can call their bride ain’t one of them, not by a motherfuckin’ long shot! The opposition should consider this more rationally. If gays can get married, there probably won’t be many more gay parades because their spouses won’t let them go! They’ll have to stay home with their adopted kids. No time for fuckin’ parades! Got to repave the driveway or go to Home Depot. Parades? Please! See you on St. Patricks day, I’ll need a drink.
Republicans
Tom Delay-He has been involved with lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who was sentenced to six years in jail for corruption, and himself was indicted by a Texas grand jury in 2005 for allegedly violating the state's election laws. Fuck you very much!
Randy Cunningham-Republican from California, is sentenced to eight years in prison for taking $2.4 million in bribes from military contractors in exchange for help in securing lucrative government contracts. Fuck you very much!
Bob Ney-U.S. Representative from Ohio, says he “corruptly solicited and accepted a stream of things of value” from lobbyist Jack Abramoff and his lobbying partners in exchange for attempts to legislate on their behalf. Fuck you very much!
Mark Foley-Florida Republican steps down from the House of Representatives after reports emerged that he had sent sexually explicit messages to teenage male Congressional pages. Fuck you very much, as well!
Celebutards
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears, the tri-fecta of cunt flashers. Stop making sex videos, not wearing underwear and draining the planet of alcohol. Either do it right or stop wasting our fucking time. Go see Larry Flint. He’ll put your naked ass in print right and you can show the whole world your twat proper like.
Scientology
Hey listen, I love Science and UFOs, but when you mix them together in some drink the Koolaide religion, I get weirded the fuck out. Come on, please stop with the bullshit. See, this is why we have to tolerate Christians! Because this is the crazy shit that would be popping up all over the place if more people woke up and realized Jesus was just some guy with a God complex. Tom Cruise, you’re just a tool and a douche. Proof positive any religion that has you, as their poster boy is horseshit!
Brad and Angelina
Poor Brad, he thought he would just be bangin’ some hot poon. The next thing you know he’s riding a bike with a black child strapped to it and an Asian on the handlebars. This guy could be livin’ the dream, instead he’s in every shit hole country on the planet following crazy as a shithouse rat Angelina around every time she thinks she can fix world economies. Hey Brad, all the hot bitches in Hollywood who want to blow you, along with your mansion and Mercedes called, they miss you!
Oil Companies
What can you say except, fuck.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Christmas Comes Early
This is just fucking beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful! I couldn’t ask for a better thing to happen. The Rev. Ted Haggard leader of the New Life Evangelical Church and leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, which represents more than 45,000 churches with 30 million members has been exposed as hiring a homosexual prostitute and trying to score methamphetamine. This isn’t just another fallen preacher man. This is pretty much THE guy in evangelical circles. He was on 60 minutes earlier this year bragging about the access he has to the White House and how he would participate in weekly teleconferences with President Bush! That really pissed me off then. I mean what the fuck is a representative of ANY church calling up the President on weekly basis to discuss oval office business. Remember what I told you about claiming the high moral ground….you better fuckin’ squeak! I said squeak, not tweak, enjoy your meth!
So of course the White House is embarrassed, thanks, Georgey, you fucktard, and is backpeddling. “Spokesman Tony Fratto told reporters Friday that it was inaccurate to portray him as being close to the White House, insisting Haggard was only an occasional participant in weekly conference calls between West Wing staff and leading evangelicals.” Bullshit!
The very best thing about this lying, morally corrupt, hypocritical piece of shit is that he STILL doesn’t know when to stop lying. Spin time is over. You are busted. The lies are not even good ones! He admits to only contacting the male prostitute for a “massage” not for sex. Good one. He also admits buying meth, but not taking it. Because hey, that’s what meth fiends do, they buy it and then decide fuck it, nah, I’ll pass!
On another interesting note, his constituency is revolted because his is obviously outed as a homosexual, a top tier sin for evangelicals. I don’t give a damn about that part. Go suck a dick, have a good time. But you are a depraved sick fuck when you take down your wife and three innocent kids in this mess. You’re a first class asshole for acting as the leader of the holy rollers and criticizing how other people live, demanding they follow your “code” of ethics and behavior. Burn in Christian hell, you evil bastard!
Republican Mark Foley Likes Underage Boys
The hits keep coming for Republicans! This jerkoff gets bagged sending inappropriate text messages to young male congressional pages and then in perfect Republican form, blames his misfortune on being an alcoholic and checking himself into rehab. He quickly realizes this cover story was just used by Patrick Kennedy a short time ago, who was under the influence of a alcohol / Ambien cocktail and checked himself in to rehab first. Damn! Not to be trumped by a Democrat, Foley adds that he was abused by a priest as a young boy, which apparently turns you gay and infuses you with the desire to suck the cock of congressional pages. Makes sense. The scandal continues with calls for the resignation of Republican House Speaker, Dennis Hastert. It's being said that Hastert had been informed of Foley’s antic for quite some time and did nothing. What a shock, Republicans covering for each other?
Rush Limbaugh, Humanitarian of The Year
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Jesus Wants You or The Passion of The Putz!
Jerseyville, Illinois- A teenager carrying a bible and shouting “I want Jesus!” was shot twice with a stun gun by police after refusing to settle the fuck down! He died the next day at a St.Louis hospital. I’m sure the parents of the Holy Roller will sue the police. The defense should be they gave him what he demanded. Since he was obviously a devout follower of the “J-man” he must be in heaven. What more could Christian parents want then to have their son be at the right hand of the right hand?
Apparently Amnesty international is questioning the use of stun guns since they have logged over 156 deaths across the country in the past five years from a sharp rise in stun gun use among police departments. I guarantee you that if the police used their Glocks instead of stun guns, the death toll would be much higher so shut the fuck up Amnesty! Go worry about North Koreans staving this winter not shitheads who won’t listen to the police. Here’s some Manlaw for ya, ready…If you run from the police and you get shot, you deserve it. If you don’t stop your car when the police tell you to and then they run you off the road and you hit a telephone pole, you deserve it. And finally, if you act like a crazy fuckwad demanding the almighty and they shoot you with a stun gun and you croak, you muthafuckin’ deserve it! Manlaw!
Give us a D!
Poke ya In the Rear
Club Iran
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Good Night and Good Luck
Olbermann Just says it best!
And lastly tonight, a Special Comment, about — lying. While the leadership in Congress has self-destructed over the revelations of an unmatched, and unrelieved, march through a cesspool… While the leadership inside the White House has self-destructed over the revelations of a book with a glowing red cover…
The President of the United States — unbowed, undeterred, and unconnected to reality — has continued his extraordinary trek through our country rooting out the enemies of freedom: The Democrats.
Transcripts below the fold
Yesterday at a fundraiser for an Arizona Congressman, Mr. Bush claimed, quote, "177 of the opposition party said 'You know, we don't think we ought to be listening to the conversations of terrorists."
The hell they did.
177 Democrats opposed the President's seizure of another part of the Constitution*.
Not even the White House press office could actually name a single Democrat who had ever said the government shouldn't be listening to the conversations of terrorists.
President Bush hears… what he wants.
Tuesday, at another fundraiser in California, he had said "Democrats take a law enforcement approach to terrorism. That means America will wait until we're attacked again before we respond."
Mr. Bush fabricated that, too.
And evidently he has begun to fancy himself as a mind-reader.
"If you listen closely to some of the leaders of the Democratic Party," the President said at another fundraiser Monday in Nevada, "it sounds like they think the best way to protect the American people is — wait until we're attacked again."
The President doesn't just hear what he wants. He hears things, that only he can hear.
It defies belief that this President and his administration could continue to find new unexplored political gutters into which they could wallow.
Yet they do.
It is startling enough that such things could be said out loud by any President of this nation.
Rhetorically, it is about an inch short of Mr. Bush accusing Democratic leaders; Democrats; the majority of Americans who disagree with his policies — of treason.
But it is the context that truly makes the head spin.
Just 25 days ago, on the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, this same man spoke to this nation and insisted, quote, "we must put aside our differences and work together to meet the test that history has given us."
Mr. Bush, this is a test you have already failed.
If your commitment to "put aside differences and work together" is replaced in the span of just three weeks by claiming your political opponents prefer to wait to see this country attacked again, and by spewing fabrications about what they've said, then the questions your critics need to be asking, are no longer about your policies.
They are, instead — solemn and even terrible questions, about your fitness to fulfill the responsibilities of your office.
No Democrat, sir, has ever said anything approaching the suggestion that the best means of self-defense is to "wait until we're attacked again."
No critic, no commentator, no reluctant Republican in the Senate, has ever said anything that any responsible person could even have exaggerated into the slander you spoke in Nevada on Monday night, nor the slander you spoke in California on Tuesday, nor the slander you spoke in Arizona on Wednesday… nor whatever is next.
You have dishonored your party, sir — you have dishonored your supporters — you have dishonored yourself.
But tonight the stark question we must face is - why?
Why has the ferocity of your venom against the Democrats, now exceeded the ferocity of your venom against the terrorists?
Why have you chosen to go down in history as the President who made things up?
In less than one month you have gone from a flawed call to unity, to this clarion call to hatred of Americans, by Americans.
If this is not simply the most shameless example of the rhetoric of political hackery, then it would have to be the cry of a leader crumbling under the weight of his own lies.
We have, of course, survived all manner of political hackery, of every shape, size, and party.
We will have to suffer it, for as long as the Republic stands.
But the premise of a President who comes across as a compulsive liar — is nothing less than terrifying.
A President who since 9/11 will not listen, is not listening — and thanks to Bob Woodward's most recent account — evidently has never listened.
A President who since 9/11 so hates or fears other Americans, that he accuses them of advocating deliberate inaction in the face of the enemy.
A President who since 9/11 has savaged the very freedoms he claims to be protecting from attack. Attack by terrorists, or by Democrats, or by both — it is now impossible to find a consistent thread of logic as to who Mr. Bush believes the enemy is.
But if we know one thing for certain about Mr. Bush, it is this:
This President — in his bullying of the Senate last month and in his slandering of the Democrats this month — has shown us that he believes whoever the enemies are — they are hiding themselves inside a dangerous cloak, called the Constitution of the United States of America.
How often do we find priceless truth in the unlikeliest of places?
I tonight quote, not Jefferson nor Voltaire — but "Cigar Aficionado Magazine."
On September 11th, 2003, the editor of that publication interviewed General Tommy Franks — at that point, just retired from his post as Commander-In-Chief of U.S. Central Command — of Cent-Com.
And amid his quaint defenses of the-then nagging absence of Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, or the continuing freedom of Osama Bin Laden, General Franks said some of the most profound words of this generation.
He spoke of "the worst thing that can happen" to this country:
First, quoting, a "massive casualty-producing event somewhere in the Western World — it may be in the United States of America."
Then, the general continued, "the western world, the free world, loses what it cherishes most, and that is freedom and liberty we've seen for a couple of hundred years, in this grand experiment that we call democracy."
It was this super-patriotic warrior's fear that we would lose that most cherished liberty, because of another attack, one — again quoting General Franks — "that causes our population to question our own Constitution and to begin to militarize our country in order to avoid a repeat of another mass-casualty-producing event. Which, in fact, then begins to potentially unravel the fabric of our Constitution."
And here we are, the fabric of our Constitution being unraveled anyway.
Habeus Corpus neutered; the rights of self-defense now as malleable and impermanent as clay; a President stifling all critics by every means available and when he runs out of those, by simply lying about what they said or felt.
And all this, even without the dreaded attack.
General Franks, like all of us, loves this country, and believes not just in its values, but in its continuity. He has been trained to look for threats to that continuity from without.
He has, perhaps been as naive as the rest of us, in failing to keep close enough vigil on the threats to that continuity, from within:
Secretary of State Rice first cannot remember urgent cautionary meetings with counter-terrorism officials before 9/11.
Then within hours of this lie, her spokesman confirms the meetings in question.
Then she dismisses those meetings as nothing new — yet insists she wanted the same cautions expressed to Secretaries Ashcroft and Rumsfeld.
Mr. Rumsfeld, meantime, has been unable to accept the most logical and simple influence, of the most noble and neutral of advisers. He and his employer insist they rely on the 'generals in the field.'
But dozens of those generals have now come forward to say how their words, their experiences, have been ignored.
And, of course, inherent in the Pentagon's war-making functions, is the regulation of Presidential war-lust. Enacting that regulation should include everything up to, symbolically wrestling the Chief Executive to the floor.
Yet — and it is Pentagon transcripts that now tell us this — evidently Mr. Rumsfeld's strongest check on Mr. Bush's ambitions, was to get somebody to excise the phrase "Mission Accomplished" out of the infamous Air Force Carrier speech of May 1st, 2003 - even while the same empty words hung on a banner over the President's shoulder.
And the Vice President is a chilling figure, still unable, it seems, to accept the conclusions of his own party's leaders in the Senate, that the foundations of his public position, are made out of sand.
There were no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.
But he still says so.
There was no link between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda.
But he still says so.
And thus, gripping firmly these figments of his own imagination, Mr. Cheney lives on, in defiance and spreads — around him and before him — darkness… like some contagion of fear.
They are never wrong, and they never regret. Admirable in a French torch singer. Cataclysmic in an American leader.
Thus the sickening attempt to blame the Foley Scandal on the negligence of others or "The Clinton Era" — even though the Foley Scandal began before the Lewinsky Scandal.
Thus last month's enraged attacks on this Administration's predecessors, about Osama Bin Laden — a projection of their own negligence in the immediate months before 9/11.
Thus the terrifying attempt to hamstring the fundament of our freedom — the Constitution — a triumph for Al-Qaeda, for which the terrorists could not hope to achieve with a hundred 9/11's.
And thus, worst of all perhaps, these newest lies by President Bush about Democrats choosing to await another attack and not listen to the conversations of terrorists.
It is the terror and the guilt within your own heart, Mr. Bush, that you re-direct at others who simply wish for you to temper your certainty with counsel.
It is the failure and the incompetence within your own memory, Mr. Bush, that leads you to demonize those who might merely quote to you the pleadings of Oliver Cromwell: "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken."
It is not the Democrats whose inaction in the face of the enemy you fear, sir.
It is your own — before 9/11 - (and you alone know this), perhaps afterwards.
Mr. President, these new lies go to the heart of what it is that you truly wish to preserve.
It is not our freedom, nor our country — your actions against the Constitution give irrefutable proof of that.
You want to preserve a political party's power. And obviously you'll sell this country out, to do it.
These are lies about the Democrats piled atop lies about Iraq which were piled atop lies about your preparations for Al-Qaeda.
To you, perhaps, they feel like the weight of a million centuries.
As crushing. As immovable.
They are not.
If you add more lies to them, you cannot free yourself, and us, from them.
But if you stop — if you stop fabricating quotes, and building straw-men, and inspiring those around you to do the same — you may yet liberate yourself and this nation.
Please, sir, do not throw this country's principles away because your lies have made it such that you can no longer differentiate between the terrorists and the critics.
—
Good night, and good luck.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Nazi Sled Goes Green
You gotta love that Entourage line about the Nazi Sled! Check this out. The Reich, known for some of the greatest scientists the world has ever seen, is back at it. That’s right, the makers of Zyklon-B, Nuclear fission and the Luftwaffe give you the BMW Hydrogen powered 7 series! Way to got Deutschland! Fuck those Middle Eastern bastards! OPEC just did a collective gulp.
As history has demonstrated, the Germans don’t give a fuck about what the rest of the world thinks. They are a people obsessed with precision and accuracy. They get wood over it. I’ve been there. If they say the train is leaving at 1:45 pm, at 1:45 pm and 2 seconds, that motherfucker is pulling away. They get real pissed about shit not going down when it is supposed to. So it should come as no surprise their engineers are perfecting the hydrogen combustion engine. They say they are interested in ‘green’ energy sources that emit water vapor as exhaust. I say the Germans stepped up because we suck and let the oil companies run our lives instead of doing what is right for the environment, our economy and our very lives. I also think the Germans are pissed that their finely tuned uber machines were reliant on such a dirty fuel such as oil and that Arabs are calling a lot of shots. Newsflash, the Germans want the world back! . The European Union is code for “you bitches do what I tell ya!” Don’t fuck with them, you might get hurt. The only reason they lost World War II was because the war was in Europe. We could bomb their factories and they couldn’t touch ours. We out-manufactured them and it was game over.
The technology is expensive at the moment but BMW’s intention is to have Hydrogen engines as an option in all their models. Doesn’t hydrogen explode? If yes, what happens if you wreck a Hydro-Beemer? Hmmm, I just thought of something. I think we should contract the Krauts to produce, oh I don’t know, about 10,000 remote control Hydro-Beemers. Hand them over to the U.S. Army to be retrofitted with depleted uranium explosives and webcams. Ship them to the Middle East and invite victim’s families of 9/11 and military widows to joystick drive them around Iraq, Iran, Syria and Saudi Arabia to do a little Grand Theft Auto rampage. Since they like car bombs so much, we improved on the basic design adding the depleted uranium which has a wonderful property of burning into radioactive dust and adding to the contamination we’ve been spreading all over Iraq with depleted uranium bullets from A-10 fighter jets and blasts from Abrams Tanks. We just aren’t communicating with these fuckfaces properly!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Get Your Cornholes Ready
It's gaining steam! People are talkin'! High gas prices are hitting people in their pockets so badly, they are finally willing to entertain ethanol as an alternative fuel source. It's been around for decades and God knows how many new, clean burning fuels have been created and the patents bought up by oil companies, but this one is semi-embraced. Oil has been fucking us since we figured out how to burn it. We wouldn't be in Iraq or give a fuck about any Middle Eastern, towel head, smelly fucker nation if it weren't for oil. How many troops do we have in Africa? None. There are worse human rights violations and loss of life due to AIDS and famine there, then anywhere in the Middle East. Global warming wouldn't be as extreme. The ice caps wouldn't be melting; affecting our climate world wide if it weren't for oil. Who knew all it took was $3 a gallon?
Arabs have had us over a barrel, literally for a long time. It's time to say goodbye to these fuckers once and for all! Go be crazy bastards and kill each other until the end of days! It's time we told American oil companies the party's over, go invest in other business because your days are numbered. Just like Phillip Morris has diversified by purchasing Kraft Foods, Exxon and Mobil need to do something else.
The beauty of Ethanol is this. It comes from corn! Can you fucking believe it! Corn! We've got about 5 or more states in the Midwest that have farmers being subsidized by our government not to grow crops to keep prices stable on many foods. Get ready for the new rural economic boom! We have enough heartland fields to grow enough corn to fuel every automobile and truck in the U.S. and maybe more! All us baby! We will cripple the Arab economy so badly, they will be shitting their pants, because of course, we will be spearheading the movement for the rest of the world! The won't be caring about bombing Israel or Shite vs. Shithead, they will be wondering how the fuck they will be finding dinner. Even better, we will be stopping major pollution from exhaust pipes since ethanol burns clean. The byproduct is CO2. Don't worry, it won't be increasing greenhouse CO2 to the atmosphere, because it is a zero return process. CO2 is absorbed by the corn plant to create the corn and by burning the corn, it is returning the same CO2 back to the environment with no additional yield. Cool shit, baby!
Opponents say it cost the same amount of money to make ethanol and to sell it. That's only because it hasn't caught on with enough players in the market to make it affordable. They will come! How about the government subsidizes it until it a gallon of ethanol cost 60 cents a gallon? Let's make sure the oil companies don't fuck us again! They are trying to push this E85 bullshit that still has only a small percent of ethanol and the majority gasoline. Don't believe this is the answer. We can make 100% ethanol work!
Ethanol is just the beginning. Who besides me is still pissed off that solar panels and wind technology is still fucking way too expensive? Hopefully, ethanol can be the leading edge that is proof of concept that gets the American public to go green. Going green also means putting green in your pocket. How would like to vastly reduce your monthly gasoline bill and completely eliminate your electric bill? Ethanol and Solar power! We can do this! We can be self-reliant American style and tell our enemies to go fuck themselves! Excelsior!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Ann Coulter Is A Fucking Bitch
Republican pundit Ann Coulter is so right wing she makes Adolf Hitler look like one of the Kennedys boys. I've never heard a woman so smart say such stupid shit! She was on the Today Show this week on 6/6/06 (the number of the beast!) talking shots at 911 widows saying "These Broads are millionaires lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by 'grieferazis.' I've never seen people enjoying their husband's death so much." What a twat! This is what happens when feminism morphs into conservativism. You get spawn of Satan! You see feminism doesn't get any attention any longer and if she kept on that path, no one would really pay her any attention. So if Ann wanted to make money she would have to either get a real job or be a professional bitch for the Republican party. She wrote a book about how Sen. Joe McCarthy was really a patriot, was unfairly demonized and didn't go around blackballing actors and persecuting everyone he could of being a communist. Acting like a extremist is the only way anyone will care about what comes out of her mouth. It's the only way she, as a woman, can matter politically. Even the good old boys of the right wing say she's a wack job and wonder what she will say next. It's intentional, it's purposely over the top and she thinks she is doing her party a service. By being the lightening rod for unpopular opinions, she makes ultra conservative politicians like 'W' look middle of the road and mainstream.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Keeping Out the Evil Doers
I am having a hard time breathing on this one, sports fans. Victoria Secret and Sport Illustrated model, May Andersen got a little cocked on a flight from Amsterdam to Miami and allegedly hit a flight attendant. She was arrested last Thursday and detained by U.S. Customs and Border Protection. Monday, it was determined she would be deported back to Amsterdam on the next available flight. Apparently Vic Sec models pose the highest threat to national security. Take a good look at the picture of her above. Have we lost our fucking minds! What has happened to this country when we deport bikini models and don't break a sweat to ship out Al Queada! We shouldn't be deporting hot babes, we should be racking our brains to figure out how to get more of them here! This is such bullshit! Who among us hasn't wanted to take a swipe at a stewardess? Make her pay a fine, apologize and do community service in bagagge claim, but don't run her out of town! Is this fucking Bizarro World?!
HOLD ON, THIS JUST IN, the 11 pm news just reported Keith Richards is in the hospital after falling out of a tree. A tree? What the fuck, Keith. Are you feelin' like you got some lives to spare? This guy is on someone else's borrowed time, he should be walking around in fucking bubble. He shouldn't be climbing stairs, much less a tree!!!
Answer: "Yes" to question on Bizzaro World. Sweet creapin' Jesus.
Meanwhile, there is a Tsunami wave of illegal immigration to our south, we are test smuggling radioactive components for dirty bombs in through our northern border and making it through no problem, we have untold number of Osama sleeper cells plotting their next big thing and we have still not done a fucking thing about restructuring this lazy shitball of an organization called the I.N.S. and its creepy cousin, U.S. Customs and Border Protection. If this little stunt is their way of demonstrating they are tough on crime committed by foreign nationals, it's time for a change.
Immigration reform is needed, sure. I'm not certain the current administration's proposed solution is the right one, but it does get us closer to dragnets for illegals with terrorist thoughts. The only way to spot the bad guys is to investigate everyone who's not a citizen one and decide if they get to stay. Jose and Juanita can come over and enjoy the pool. I'm not interested in squashing the American Dream, here. I only want people here who want to work towards it. Everyone else can get the fuck out and go back where they came from and make it a better place by buying our music, watching our Hollywood releases and worshiping their respective Brangelina desire.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Divorce, New Delhi Style
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Cheney's Got A Gun, a second shot
George, again, is missing the point. This is not something the Coast Guard can protect us against. So, here, I'll break it down for him. Ports mean ships...large ships...cargo container ships mostly. Only a very small percentage of the cargo containers that enter this country receive a human inspection, and even that inspection is weak. George has been told of the security risk on at least two occasions. Didn't sink in because if it had, he would understand that the Coast Guard can't do shit about that. Now, Dubai can have access to all the information on what ships enter the country. They can compile all the intel they want for any one of a dozen fuckwads they feed the information to. And once the evildoers identify the best way to execute their evil plans, then it becomes worth the risk to try. Blocking the U.AE. is a must.
The big excuse the administration is selling is that we have let other countries manage American ports before. They say if it were a European country we wouldn't have a problem with it. Well no shit! Do they mean England? Well, yes that's happened. But our ties to England are longstanding. Our history with the Brits, obvious. Besides we haven't had any real trouble with England since the 1812 days.
If the U.A.E. is looking for a job, great, we'll give them one. If they are such a big fucking ally in the war against terror, then their new job is to tell their muslim friends to stop being such crazy bastards and that the killing stop. Fix that and you get the ports!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
The Daytona 10
Stock car racing is full of ironies. Great pains and uncountable man hours go into crafting these vehicles to exacting standards to make all the cars in a race equal. Then, individual teams tweek the fuck out of the cars in dozens of ways, but just a tiny bit, to give their drivers an "edge". Out of this field of "sameness", the winners in these races, are exalted as kings and master drivers. Their minions pay homage by affixing their hero's number to the rear windshield of the own car, regardless of how big a piece of shit that car is (another irony) and purchasing any merchandise their driver accepts as a sponsorship. Further rounding out the irony point is, the fact that these Kings of the Speedway only get to turn left and travel in a highly chaotic but governed environment chuck full of rules. Examples are you can't crash into another car, but you can 'rub 'em' a bit. When there is a crash, everyone holds their place until they say go again.
This is going to piss racing fans off but, Nascar ain't real racing. The Canonball Run is racing! That's right! Race from point A to point B, in the best car you can field, through real traffic, cops all while trying to sabotage your fellow drivers. Fuckin' A.
The best part of Nascar has to be the fans. The way they talk about their drivers. Like driving around an ellipse is just like scoring a touchdown or hitting one out of Fenway Park. They are very protective of their guys, defending them, arguing over why their man is the best or who's 'cheatin'. "My guy is faster driving in an elipse and turning left than any of your bitch drivers!" Want to see a Nascar fan pop a vein, disparage the name Earnhardt. You might get punched.
Back to the 10 laps reference. We don't need to drive 500 miles or even 200 to get us a winner. 10 really will do. I feel about racing the same way I do about college basketball. College basketball games, especially the tournament, could be played in about 10 minutes with the last two minutes really meaning the most!
Finally, being a driver shouldn't pay shit. Wouldn't it be great to see someone like Tony Stewart win the Nextel Cup and a few days later pumping your gas and squeegeeing your windshield! Or perhaps Tony wouldn't be so low on the totem pole. How about "Welcome to Walmart."Is it me or am I the only one who thinks Tony sounds a little girly when he speaks? I not certain but the last time I saw him on T.V. I could have sworn he was wearing eyeliner. Hey, if he ever leaves racing, he is sure to have a spot on queer eye.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Cheyney's Got A Gun
It's Cheyney's last I.O.U.
I can' think of a better story to come back from an extended hiatus. Needed to recharge after the holidays, but I'm back!
Everyone's looking at Cheyney shooting a crony of his, Washington insider, Harry Whittington. That's exactly what they want the spotlight to be on. Because, while you're looking at buckshot Harry, the Bush administration is setting us all up for the next great disaster to rival 9/11. Bullshit you say? Well get a fucking load of this true believers.
'W' and friends have approved the sale of 'significant' operations at six major American ports. Guess who the sale is to? No, not Osama, but almost as bad... the United Arab Emirates! Has Bush lost his fucking mind?! Apparently, a handful of Senators and House members who were not mesmerized by the televised episode of hunting with Dick Cheyney, are calling for the White House to reconsider the sale, citing that "Outsourcing the operations of our largest ports to a country with a dubious record on terrorism is a homeland security and commerce accident waiting to happen," said Sen. Charles Schumer, D-New York. "The administration needs to take another look at this deal." Yeah they do!
Additionally as reported by CNN, "They also said the country was a key transfer point for shipments of nuclear components sent to Iran, North Korea and Libya and was one of only three nations that had recognized the Taliban as Afghanistan's legitimate government." Now I know I have questioned W's intelligence before, but you have got to be one brain dead motherfucker to trust these shitballs. If you're not worried about a nuclear weapon being smuggled in to the country, just imagine the underground railroad of terrorists that will be able to enter the country. This is really, really bad. What the fuck!
The Bush administration stands behind their decision with White House spokesperson, Frederick Jones, saying national security implications were "rigerously reviewed". Right, just like intelligence from Iraq said there were WMDs, just like FEMA and the White House showed great judgment after Katrina, just like at the State of The Union address, the Texas oilman got up there and with a fucking straight face, told us that "America must reduce our dependence on oil" and pursue other energy options. I'm a little fucking tired of being treated like a retard by this asshole. His track record of bad choices is becoming legendary, and he's got three more years to go! A lot of fucking up can be done in three years.
I remember all of you fucks who voted for him saying at least he wouldn't spend your money like the Democrats would. Well, congratulations, you save a few bucks on taxes. How's your gasoline bill? Your heat bill? How about how everything has gone up from utilities to consumer goods? Like that? I hope you are all proud of yourselves. Dickheads!
Instead of passing a Constitutional Amendment that will allow the Governator to run for President, how about we pass one that says no more fucking Bushes get to be President. No Jeb, Jenna or Barb Jr.! NO MORE!!!
If Clinton can be impeached for a blow job, Bush should definitely go down for being an absolute simp chimp.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
In the name of God, Part I
Today, the people believe what they have been told to believe, without concern for how history has been written to suit the cause. Events and traditions have been concocted and manufactured to ease cultural assimilation. Everything has been contrived under the guise of divinity and purity of righteousness. It’s amazing what you can get people to believe as fact when you say it under the cloak of holiness.
This is not a rant for atheism. Despite my love of science and belief in evolutionary theory, I can reconcile an Intelligent Design probability. This is no DaVinci Code conspiracy. This is a wake up call, an accountability meeting wrapped in longing to acknowledge and spread the truth, if there is such a thing after the warping and shredding truth has taken over two millennia. Would we recognize the truth if it was before us? Would it be relevant? Would it be scary or liberating? The reality of an existence without the comforting blanket of Christianity is frightening to many. So much so, that if it isn’t in the bible, it doesn’t govern their life. How badly do we need our Soma? It’s welcome to the Matrix time, but this time there’s only one pill and you need to swallow hard.
Our focus is the Christian Church: the oldest corporation on the planet and the moral compass for over 2.1 billion people. Its formation, central figure and track record are suspects in a line up, on trial for willful altering of reality, the ultimate crime against humanity.
From its infancy the Church has been a lynchpin for power and control. It was not until the year 325 in the year of Our Lord, when the First Council of Nicaea was held, to discuss and unify the varying beliefs of bishops concerning the divinity of Jesus. The Roman emperor Constantine, eager to instill imperial control over the fledgling religion and immortality for himself, forced a decision/compromise that Jesus was man but also divine. That was something he could hang his hat on. The empire, in decline, needed something that would take the place of polytheism. After all, one God was easier to control and spread than a whole pack of them jockeying for the attention of the people.
Jesus was the perfect horse to attach his cart to and Constantine would be his Shepard and make Christianity the official and legal religion of the empire. Jesus was a man of the people God, who said the lowly retches would inherit the earth and that he had died for their sins so they could have ever lasting life. The growing popularity of such a deity among the common masses was a certainty. So that the rules for everyone to follow would be instituted with minimal resistance, the new Christ rituals and facts would overlap and replace the pagan ones. No one would be the wiser and if they were, the centuries that followed would conceal the questions and erase the memories of forgotten heretics. It’s why you freeze your ass off December 25th celebrating Christ’s birthday. The winter solstice is the same week and the pagan festival of the Invincible Sun. So dies the sun god. It’s why so many old paintings of Jesus have glowing halos. Get your new and improved sun god here! It gets much worse….stay tuned.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Money For Nothin'
Tyra Banks is an asshole. She is quite possibly the hottest piece of chocolate thunder to ever walk the planet, but the problem is she comes with sound. America’s Next Top Model is the biggest piece of shit on television, so what do the networks do, they give her a talk show, forever ending the possibility of an aftermarket mute button. There is no way anyone is ever going to convince me that being a model is hard work. ANTM is some type of elimination show where someone gets kicked off because they “don’t have what it takes” or “don’t want it bad enough”. Give me a break. You see, Tyra would like you all to believe that to be a successful model, you have to have ravenous ambition and some type of intestinal fortitude admired by the public. That you need to have commitment and desire to want to stand around a photo shoot in skimpy cloths while some horny guy snaps pictures of you. Talk about inflating ones occupational perception. Tyra is/was successful for one reason, every guy wants to fuck her. Bing! O.K., all guys except the Klan. She’s hot and that is all that is required. So Tyra, tell yourself whatever gets you through the night baby, but the truth cuts deep.
Also if you’re an Actor I don’t want to hear you bitch about how ‘hard’ you work. You don’t work, you memorize lines and pretend to be someone else. I don’t give a shit about how you conducted months of painstaking research, what method you used to get ‘into character’ or how hard you had to work out for that shirtless scene. If you ever want to get pissed off, watch that pretentious fuck on Inside The Actor’s Studio ask deep questions of jerkoffs who take themselves way too seriously, like Kevin Spacey and Tom Cruise. Whenever an actor refers to their ‘craft’ or ‘art’, you know you are in for some deep bullshit.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Coffee, Tea or Cellulite?
I like the aisle seat. If I have to take a piss I can get up and not have to ask grandpa and his oxygen tank to take a walk. Additionally, I can get up once we dock at the gate and can spring up out of my seat, into the isle like they are giving pussy away, so I can get my bag and wait 15 minutes for the cow who is working the door to read the directions on how it opens. Sadly that’s the good part. Back to the stewardesses.
There are some big asses up there. As I mentioned, I like the aisle seat, which seems to be a bad location if you want to avoid a nice ass rub on the shoulder of a passing wildebeest. My God! This is why you only get two carryons because these fat fucks are uglying up the friendly skies! You know when you go to a restaurant and see an old waitress that looks like she’s been doing the job for a long, long time. Knows how to sling slop, but she is tired looking. Well stewardesses are getting to be the same way. I love how they say we are flight attendants and we are here for your safety. The fuck you are! You’re a fucking waitress in an aluminum tube traveling at 500mph! Safety my ass. How about you protect me from that stinking foreign bastard sitting next to me who bathed in Old Spice marinated in B.O. Unless you can repair an engine mid-flight, restore hydraulic pressure to the landing gear or stop wind shear, get me drink, give me a snack, shut the fuck up and sit your ass down in the galley and don’t let me see you until you are wavin’ bu-bye. Fucking cow.
Don’t even get me started on their male counterparts. Are they all fucking gay? Oh yes, they’ll protect me. Proof positive that they don’t all work in the fashion industry or Starbucks. They are so pissed off about how society treats them that they are tweaking their asses off on a power trip. Don’t have your seat back forward right away or turn off your Ipod or fasten your seat belt tightly and Bruce will be on the intercom berating your ass with a full blown lisp that would have Liberace cringing saying “fag”. Go ahead, give Bruce a hard time and he will be calling you bitch as the federal marshals cuff you after you deplane. Call it Homo’s Revenge. Don’t like it, try your luck with Amtrak. How about an extra five bucks per ticket to get some decent talent up there? I might even go ten.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Insanity
This next one makes me so mad I might have to punch a soccer mom. You know the ones with the full body denim skirt, white turtleneck, short bob hairdo and Birkenstocks. They should just fill their vaginas in with concrete. The asexual look has somehow flourished in suburbia. But I digress. Here it is, Deferred Success replaces failure. Holy fucking dogshit! The thought shower here was to bolster students self esteem. Heaven forbid we don’t let students believe that every goddamn thing they do will end in orgasmic triumph! When do we let our super achievers in on the big fucking secret that they are owed nothing, that they are going to fail more often than succeed and the world is often a cold, hard place where people are perfectly happy seeing you get hit by a bus? We are raising a nation of pussies!!! No wonder other countries think that they can fuck with us. No wonder China, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela and Saudi Arabia tell us to screw every chance they get. I am shocked we haven’t been invaded yet. This is the end of the empire my friends.
Last but not least, the fem nazi favorite, Womyn is to replace the long standing traditional Woman. Interesting that a group that has such contempt and hate for men tries so hard to alter their appearance and act like men. Curious. Bad news ladies, you can wear pants, buzz your hair short, let your ass grow to the size of a Toyota, not shave your legs and go sans makeup for the rest of your days and you will not grow a dick. Disappointing, perhaps. So settle down, shut the fuck up and get it through your Sapphic brains that we are glad you’re into chicks. Otherwise, you would be looking good to us in bars at 2am and that just won’t do.
Bottom line is this… fuck your feelings! Why do we feel so entitled to having our precious feelings protected? Political Correctness is the refuge of weak minds. Minds that are incapable of suffering criticism and believe the only path to success is through creating an artificial, antiseptic, controlled environment to live in. It’s not really winning when you get to make all the rules. Life doesn’t really work like that. So why pretend it does?
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Beat the Bishop
The latest weapon of the current administration to be used against its citizens, and it’s a badass mother, is of course the IRS. Anyone surprised? Me either. Here’s the lowdown.
A guest preacher at a Los Angeles church delivered an anti-war sermon on the eve of the 2004 presidential election. The preacher did NOT endorse a particular candidate even though it was a well known liberal church. What he did do was proclaim that Jesus would not support the war in Iraq. Whoa! Should have checked with the ‘W’ on that one preacher man! You see, you must be full of shit because, well, JC speaks di-rectly to George. Told ‘em to go fuck up some Muslims. You must be from the wrong type of church, boy.
So the IRS descends and threatens to revoke the church’s tax exempt status. Talk about kicking the parish right in the huevos. The IRS claims the tax status was in jeopardy because the church was prohibited “from intervening in political campaigns and elections.”
Church rector, J. Edwin Bacon, and I’m not making that name up, is squealing saying the threat was “A direct assault on freedom of speech and religion”. Wow, can you believe this is happening right here in The Reich, I mean Amercia.
A church in New York had its tax status pulled after it ran ads against Bill Clinton running for election in 1992. They should have lost their status. That shit you should not do. However shaking down some church that says Jesus wouldn’t be for the Iraq war is a lot heavy handed. If you believe the bible’s portrayal of the life of Jesus, then you know he wouldn’t be for any war. The bible Jesus was a tree huggin’, peace signing, love your brother original. Is this disputable?
Remember a few years back with the IRS was completely out of control? A television special report exposed that IRS employees were promoted based on the number of audits they successfully completed that resulted in fines or more tax being paid. Hey, you gotta pay Uncle Sam his vig, but these cats were nailing people who had no recourse in the courts. As a result we were promised reform at the agency and I believe it happened. But the beast is being let out a lot more often these days.
Don’t get me wrong I am for going after the church. Get ‘em all paying taxes! Put the pedophiles in jail! Bust the Jim Bakers of the world! Don’t care what variety of holy roller you are. No discrimination here. However, you can’t do it at the expense of free speech! You just can’t.
Two reasons they will get away with it. First we are broke and need to get some jing. War, hurricanes, and pandemic flu plans are expensive. Second, lately Americans don’t care about free speech very much. Ask Howard Stern where he will be after the new year and why.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
American Bloodsuckers
An interesting story on yesterday’s evening news; It appears the oil companies have posted record quarterly profits. Here is the hit parade:
Cheveron 3.6 billion
Conoco Phillips 3.8 billion
BP 6.5 billion
Shell 9 billion
Exxon Mobil 9.9 billion
Exxon Mobil’s profits were more than 492 other companies made all year from the S and P 500!
Remember these are profits, not revenues and they are for only three months!
Here is the asshole quote of the week from an oil industry slug courtesy of an article from NBC’s Anne Thompson.
“Our earnings are a function of how well we manage our business,” says the American Petroleum Institute's chief economist, John Felmy. “We're also producing record amounts of product, we're selling record amounts and we cut our cost dramatically. So that really affects the bottom line as much as anything else.”
This guy has the fucking balls to go on television and try to spin that bullshit? That all these oil companies have managed their expenses this past quarter and cut their costs. How is that possible? The industry has reacted quicker than shit through a goose, raising prices for any excuse. Pipelines severed in Iraq…prices go up. When hurricanes hit..up, up, up! The refineries are down…up again. International demand from emerging countries like India and China have consumed too much of the worldwide supply …prices go up as soon as the story hits the airwaves. $3.50 a gallon. I bet the joke around the board rooms at Exxon is if it snows this winter, prices will need to be raised over $4 per gallon.
Looking for relief from Washington. Go fuck yourself is the apparent message. Bush you see is a Texan (swing and a miss). Big oil financed his campaigns (strike two!). Oh yeah, he was in the oil business way back when, couldn’t find oil in Texas, had to have the Saudi royal family bail him out REPEATEDLY while he played Jed Clampet shooting at some food without the bubblin’ crude and finally bankrupted his company (called out on strikes). He isn’t this quiet at Sunday mass!
Well hold on, help is on the way. Republican cocksucker and Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist, R-Tenn is quoted as saying that things need to be looked into to be sure there is no abuse in the current system and that there is full transparency. Additionally, if there is price gouging, “we need to cut it out”. What the fuck, Frist! Cut it out? Tell them stop or you’ll them to stop again! Way to give ‘em hell, Bill!
Here is what I know. Not one person in a Red State has a right to be outraged! No one person there should be shocked that this is what America has become. Not that the outcry has been above a whimper. It seems complacency is all that is needed for this administration to do whatever the hell they want. Here is the recap : War, Patriot Act, censorship, religious intolerance, fleecing citizens, what’s next? Mindcrime? People are dying, their freedoms are being abolished, privacy is being eliminated and we are being told what to believe spiritually and that we aren’t mature enough to watch everything on television, can't be trusted not to switch radio stations when we hear something objectionable and by the way, here's how much you get to pay for all these privileges!
We are at a very dangerous crossroad in our history that even if we select the right path, it will take years to repair the damage to the land of the free. Where is it that we make our stand? What is the issue that finally brings about enough indignation that we demand better from our leaders in Washington and Wall Street? I’m certain we deserve better. We need to start taking better care of America. Get pissed and share your pissed offness. If enough of us do, we may get noticed. One more thing, vote.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
New Tactics
I’ve taken it upon myself to draft a battle plan to eradicate the insurgency that knucklehead Rumsfeld hasn’t thought of. We are not getting down to the base human rationale for this insurgency. It’s not about Saddam or Allah or better flipflops for your Sunday trip to the Bazaar or hatin’ Americans. It’s about not getting enough trim. There it is folks. Not enough poonanay!
Muslims in this region are some of the most radical and fundamental followers of Islam. It is a patriarchal society that is severely sexually repressed (which I don’t get since If your in complete charge of things, you might want to build in some provisions for pussy, but that’s just me talkin’). That’s why they do fucked up shit like fly planes into buildings! They are promised 100 virgins in the afterlife. So it’s really not a big leap of faith for them to think to themselves, let’s see life completely sucks here, 100 virgins in the afterlife…Bring on the afterlife!
So now that we understand the motivations and frustrations of our little Iraqi friends, we can effectively use their weakness to our advantage. We will not fight them with soldiers and lethal weapons, (they have been at that shit for thousands of years!). No we will combat them with whores!
What I am about to detail for you will end the insurgency in three months and will bring democracy to the entire region in twelve. It is considered top secret, eyes only.
Ground troops are vital and the free nations of the world must help. I will create a new Coalition of the Willing. Three legions of hookers are required. Las Vegas and Amsterdam must activate all available prostitutes for immediate deployment. Czech Republic, Hungary and the Ukraine will be vital allies in reaching the 15,000 twat count.
Their mission is to hump every Iraqi man of legal age until their balls chafe.
Air support will be provided by Stealth bombers who will drop their payloads in the days up to and during the hookers operations. Weapons packages will consist of copies of Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Barely Legal, Celebrity Skin and Perfect 10. If things get really bad the Stealth has the flexibility to substitute some of the above titles for Swank, Screw and High Society Magazine. Additional close air support for attacking hooker divisions will be provided by the F-18 Hornet, which will be armed with satellite guided bombs with swap out packages of: French tickers, pocket rockets, extra small condoms, anal beads and vibrating love dolls.
The Battlefield Theater of Operations will employ the very latest in technology. Stripper Special Forces will distribute video capable Ipods. They will be preloaded with the complete works of Jenna Jameson. Irresistible. Audio instructions will also be preloaded with precise locations of hooker troop activities and where they can get additional porn content.
We will pound them into submission. Unconditional surrender will be achieved.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Panda
I need to tell you I don’t give a shit that the panda now has a name. What is the fascination with Pandas? They’re mean bastards and they will fuck you up if you get too close. So don’t be havin’ some I’m gonna pet the teddy bear shit fantasy next time you see one at the zoo or Roy Horn will be feeling pretty when he stands next to you.
All the other bears make fun of them. They’re the pathetic sad clowns of bears. What self respecting bear would eat bamboo? Bears should be snapping salmon out of the air or breaking the necks of deer with a swat of their paw. Bamboo. Are you fucking kidding me?
Ooh, they’re so rare! So is a purple shit. I don’t want to see one of those either.
Monday, October 03, 2005
The Elephant and the Donkey
All politicians, regardless of party, lie. What we should judge them on is what they lie about. Republicans preach from the soapbox and then get caught doing the exact same fucking thing they were telling you not to do. Democrats get impeached for blowjobs.
Which one makes you more pissed?
Rush Limbaugh gets caught scoring oxycodone from his maid after a decade of demonizing drugs. Couple that with the fact he sucked up everyone’s sympathy for going deaf, yet coincidentally that happened to be a side effect of putting up Elvis numbers in the pain pill department. Yes!
“Book of Virtues” author William Bennett, made headlines days ago for his final solution approach to crime reduction; he stated that if you aborted all black babies the crime rate would drop. He also lost millions two years ago for being a bit of gambling fiend. Guess what, if you have the balls to write a book called the Book of Virtues, you better fuckin’ squeak!
And rounding out the axis of assholes, Pat “the sniper” Robertson!
Because at the core, and you must believe this, of the new and bewildered Republican party is an Evangelical Christian nucleus who seeks to control what we all should believe religiously, determine for everyone what is obscene and are bent on altering the Constitution away from a secular government and plunge us into a one religion society that eliminates the separation of Church and State.
The framers of the Constitution were religious men, but they understood they were creating a superior, ground breaking and powerful new system of governance. They were creating a country where freedom of choice was most important, where people had the right to live and worship as they choose, or (even more groundbreaking and open minded) to even not believe in any form of organized religion. They were educated men, who understood the lessons learned from the failures of Roman Empire, Vatican rule and finally of Monarchy. They understood all too clearly that in order to have a true democracy, where there was tolerance for its citizens, religion must be kept a personal belief system, and the Judicial, Legislative and Executive branches must never become the voice of a single point of view. To do so would prejudice the system against those it already recognized as worthy of its protection and status of equality. Hypocrisy.
Which brings us back around to the Republicans. What happened to the party of Lincoln? It used to be about supporting capitalism, tax breaks for businesses and the belief that smaller government was best for everyone. Today, it’s about attacking homosexuals, prayer in school, replacing evolution with creationism, the Ten Commandments, no stem cell research and reversing Roe v. Wade.
What makes me insane are the Republican voters who vote for characters like ‘W’ because he runs on their ticket. Voting party lines is a retard move. Let’s take back the Republican Party. Let’s leave and make a new one if we have to. Let’s inject our own core values of education, efficiency, belief in science, technology and hardwork to banish these religious zealots back to their Sunday pulpits where their preaching belongs.
Besides Democrats will need somewhere to go for confession when they get caught lying about getting blowjobs.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Reality TV
These people are in Vegas, oh yeah, did I mention that! They are fuckin' in the back seat, there are transvestites telling all, two guys all horned up acting like they were in A Night at the Roxbury movie and tired looking hookers shootin' the breeze after a long night of earning. That shit is real and I'm fascinated!
After seeing that reality, I really don't give fuck about Evan losing an immunity challenge, Tracy getting thrown out of the apartment, Mig not being right for the band INXS, Trump or Muffy firing some toolboy or Flava Flav humpin' Brigette Neilson. Everything is either people pretending they're something they're not to look cool for the cameras or they are all so lame, the producers only show you segments that make them look like character types they think the audience will find interesting. You know them, I don't have to list them, but here they are:
- The Playa
- The Bitch
- The Slut
- The Pain in the Ass
- The Christian
- The Homosexual
- The Redneck
- The Wigga
- The PETA fanatic
- The Nerd
- The Fat Guy
Gilligan's Island! Rest in peace Bob Denver.
Feel like you've been played?
Now hurry up the next episode of The Bachelorette is on!
Let's end this mess. Watch a movie instead, they'll get the message.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
The Maneater
The two best looking people in the world are now mating. Good for them. Women are hatin' Jolie something fierce. They hate her for two reasons. First, because they think she banged Brad before he got a divorce from Jen, even though they would all have done the same thing. Second, and this really burns them, they hate her because all men would lop off a nut just to have one night with her and love that is she is more than likely a wild sexual deviant.Here are the top ten reasons men love Angelina
- When she was married to that old bastard Billy Bob, we all thought we had a chance since he couldn't have be doin' her proper
- She is sexually attracted to women
- She admits she likes women
- The possibility, if you were her lover, she might invite another women into bed
- Bad ass tats
- She's the only one that could pull off Lara Croft
- She has no problem doing sex scenes in movies showing all her goodies
- Rich
- Big Ass Lips
- Big Ass Lips
YES!!! That is exactly what we like! We like it a lot. She saves the world's hungry by day and by night she screws so loud that the locals call the police for fear she is being murdered. Now that's a lady!
